If I was a little more unscrupulous, I would steal this blog post about kayaking and claim each and every word as my own. It's a list by a kayak guide in Maine of things kayak guides shouldn't do. A few are actually helpful; most are just are just hysterical. So I won't steal any lines, but I will borrow a couple to give you a glimpse of the flavour:
2) Yelling “Shark! Shark!” is an inappropriate way to speed up your group
12) “That’s what they said about the Titanic” is no longer to follow any questions regarding a kayak’s ability to stay afloat
30) “You do not talk about sea kayaking” is not the first rule of sea kayaking
41) Telling clients “sure, see how far you can lean without capsizing” is not an acceptable way to teach them how to perform a wet exit
42) Stupid questions are not the reason you didn’t see wildlife and it’s not nice to tell your clients such
Sadly, the unnamed blogger doesn't seem to post much about kayaking on his blog at all, which is a shame because this post is a real gem. Go check it out.