Adventure Kayak Article

This one was on rolling & I love the fact that the article mentions 10 rolls a kayaker probably won't use...I had to laugh at the preamble into this list. I think John should write them a letter.

1 0 k a y a k r o l l s you will (probably) never need
Although competitors at the Greenland National Kayaking Championships are
judged on 35 different capsize manoeuvres, it’s hard to imagine any practical
use for such obscure skills as the armpit roll or the cross-arm roll. We can confidently say the two rolls we teach you in this issue (Adventure Kayak Magazine) are all you need. Unless,that is, you find yourself in one of the following predicaments.



1. You flip while reaching into
your day hatch
You are struggling to dig lunch out of the
bottom of your day hatch when you tip into
the drink. Fortunately, if you wisely held
onto your paddle, you’re perfectly set up to
do… the behind the back roll.
2. You dislocate a shoulder
Nothing funny about this. If you’re prone
to arm injuries, you’ll want to have a onearmed
roll up your sleeve, starting with this
one… the armpit roll.
3. You have a chronic itch
You’ve dropped your paddle and reached
into your paddling jacket to give your back
a good scratch when a gust of wind knocks
you over. Not a problem if you’ve learned
and practiced… the elbow roll.
4. You get caught with a paddle
down your pants
Even after that elbow manoeuvre and your
nightly rituals with Gold Bond, you still
can’t reach those deep-down itches. Then,
a revelation: you’ve got the world’s largest
backscratcher in the palms of your hands!
And when paroxysms of ecstasy cause you
to flip with your paddle sticking up the back
of your farmer john, you’re okay, as long as
you’re a master of… the spine roll.
5. You mix up your left and
your right
It happens all the time. You pick up the
paddle the wrong direction, you’ve got the
left blade by your right hand and those upside-
down company logos look so embarrassing.
While you rush to straighten things
out before anybody notices, boom, you get
love-rubbed by a lonely killer whale and you
flip with your hands crossed at the wrists.
Time to break out… the cross-arm roll.
6. You don’t know your up
from your down
Are you supposed to hold the paddle shaft
above the deck of the kayak or below the
hull underwater? It’s so hard to remember.
The shaft passes underneath the boat and
then you grasp it with both hands, right?
Okay, this isn’t the most efficient way to
paddle. But you don’t have to worry when
you capsize from exhaustion, just so long
as you can do…the under-the-hull sculling
roll.
7. You forget your paddle at home
But you did happen to bring along your norsaq,
the trusty Greenlandic harpoon launcher.
Righting yourself will be no problem if
you’ve perfected… the throwing stick roll.
8. You bought a new camera
You’re so engrossed in figuring out the buttons
and dials that you don’t notice when
the fancy gear around your neck pulls you
off balance. It’s a good thing the weight
of your new digital SLR and 200mm lens
totals about eight kilos—almost exactly
the same amount as the stone you used to
practice… hand rolling with a brick.
9. You haven’t kicked the habit
You’ve got one smoke left for the last few
days of trip. Finally, you can’t take it any
longer. You let your health-freak friends slip
on ahead. You drop your paddle and bring
the lighter to your lips just as you get broadsided
by a rogue wave. Good thing you’re a
grand master of… the cigarette roll.
10. You just escaped from custody
And since both your arms are bound up in
restraints, it wasn’t a very good idea to try
and run away by kayak. But then if judgment
and foresight had been your strong
suits you wouldn’t have ended up in that
padded room in the first place. Alas, just as
this tidbit of wisdom crosses your synapses,
you flip. And this would be the last mistake
of your life if you hadn’t once been sane
enough to learn… the straightjacket roll.
—Tim Shuff